Kahan hotay ho... Wednesday, 1 April 2009

Mujh se bichrey ho
to
mehboob-e-nazar ho kis k?
Aaj kal kis ko manatey ho
kahan hotey ho?
Shab ki tanhai me a
ksar khayal ata hai...
Apney dukh kis ko sunatey ho
kahan hotey ho?
Sard raaton me
tumhey kasey bhula sakta hoon
Aag si dil me lagatey ho
kahan hotey ho?
Shehr k log bhi aksar
yehi kartey hain sawal...
Ab boht kam nazar aatey ho

Kahan hotey ho...??

a wish... Friday, 13 March 2009

Ek khuwab sarhaney rakh do na
Aaj mujh pe inaayat kar do na
Zara chupkey se khamoshi se
Tum izhar e muhabat kar do na
Khud ko kar k deewana saa
Mera pyaar amar tum kar do na
Main piyas me dooba sehra hon
Tum mujhko samandar kar do na
Mai younhi phirta hon darbadar
Tum khud ko manzil kar do na...

Love Marriage v/s Arranged Marriage Friday, 16 January 2009

Love Marriage* V/S  *Arranged Marriage* 

(1)

  *Love Marriage*  Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like flirting, going to  movies together, making long conversations on phone and 
then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like. 

  Arranged Marriage* Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidateand then try to implement functions on her. The functions are added to 
supplement  the main program. The functions  can be added or deleted. 

(2)
  *Love Marriage*  It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a  dynamic system and difficult to  maintain. 
Arranged Marriage*  Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible

 

(3)
 *Love Marriage*  Family system hangs because  hardware (called parents) is not responding.

Arranged Marriage* Compatible with hardware  (Parents).

 

(4) 

*Love Marriage*  You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and 
execution of PROJECT- married life. 
 Arranged Marriage* You are a team member under project leader (parents) so they    are 
responsible for successful   execution of project Married life.

 

(5)

Love Marriage*  Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, 
washing clothes etc. 
 Arranged Marriage*  All these features are covered in the SRS as required features. 
 

(6)

Love Marriage* Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy. 
Arranged Marriage*  Product is sold on an as is where is basis. Product once sold will not be taken back!

 

(7) 
Love Marriage* 

Love Marriage is like Windows , beautiful n seductive... . Yet  one never 
knows when it will crash.... 
 

Arranged Marriage*

Arranged Marriage is like   Unix... boring n colorless...  still extremely 
reliable n robust. 

Suna Hai Log Usay Aankh Bhar Ke Dekhtay Hain.. Saturday, 27 December 2008

Suna Hai Log Usay Aankh Bhar Ke Dekhtay Hain

Suna hai log usay aankh bhar ke dekhtay hain
So us ke shahar main kuchh din thahr ke dekhtay hain

Suna hai rabt hai us ko kharab halon se
So apnay aap ko barbad karkay dekhtay hain

Suna hai dard ki gahak hain chashm-e nazuk us ki
So ham bhi us ki gali se guzar kar dekhtay hain

Suna hai us ko bhi hai sher-o shayari se shagaf
So ham bhi mojaze apnay hunar ke dekhtay hain

Suna hai bole to baton se phool jharatay hain
Ye baat hai to chalo baat kar ke dekhtay hain

Suna hai raat use chand takta rehta hai
Sitaray baam-e falak se utar kar dekhtay hain

Suna hai hashr hain us ki gazal si aankhain
Suna hai us ko hirn dasht bhar ke dekhtay hain

Suna hai din ko usay titliyan satati hain
Suna hai raat ko jugno thahar ke dekhtay hain

Suna hai rat se barh kar hain kakulan us ki
Suna hai sham ko saye guzar ke dekhtay hain

Suna hai us ki siyah chashmagi qiyamat hai
So us ko surma farosh aankh bhar ke dekhtay hain

Suna hai us ke labon se gulab jalate hain
So ham bahar par ilzaam dhar ke dekhtay hain

Suna hai aaina tamasal hai jabin us ka
Jo sada dill hain ban sanvar ke dekhtay hain

Suna hai jab se hamail hain us ki gardan main
Mizaj aur hi lal-o gauhar ke dekhtay hain

Suna hai chashm-e tasavur se dasht-e imkan main
Palang zawaiya us ki kamar ke dekhtay hain

Suna hai us ke badan ke tarash aisay hain
Ke phuul apani qabayain qatar ke dekhtay hain

Woh sarvqad hai magar begul-e muraad nahin
Ke us shajar pe shagufay samar ke dekhtay hain

Bas ek nigah se lutata hai qafila dil ka
So rahravaan-e tamannaa bhi dar ke dekhtay hain

Suna hai us ke shabistan se mutasil hai behisht
Makin udhar ke bhi jalway idhar ke dekhtay hain

Rukay tu gardishain us ka tawaf karti hain
Chalay to us ko zamanay thahar ke dekhtay hain

Kisay naseeb ke be parahan usay dekhay
Kabhi kabhi dar-o divaar ghar ke dekhtay hain

Khaniyan hi sahi sab mubalaghay hi sahi
Agar woh khwab hai tabir kar ke dekhtay hain

Ab us ke shahar main tharain ki kuch kar jayan
Faraz aao sitaray safr ke dekhtay hain

By: ahmad faraz

THE MEN'S GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH Thursday, 11 December 2008

THE MEN'S GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH

We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? = (Too late, you're dead.)
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

THE WOMEN'S GUIDE TO MALE ENGLISH

I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I'd like to have sex with you
What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let's have sex now
I love you, too = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
I like that one better (while shopping) = Pick any freakin dress and let's go home!

 

New Company Policy Monday, 24 November 2008

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.


Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work .



Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.


Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin boa rd under the 'Chronic Offenders'category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.


Lunch Break: (Love this one)
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.



Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

Our rules.. Wednesday, 19 November 2008

We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

2. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

3. Crying is blackmail.

4. Ask for what you want.
4.1. Let us be clear on this one:
4.2. Subtle hints do not work!
4.3. Strong hints do not work!
4.4. Obvious hints do not work!
4.5. Just say it!

5. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

6. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is
what your girlfriends are for.

7. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

9. If you won't dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

10. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

11. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one !

12. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.

13. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

14. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

15. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

17. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.

18. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

19. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really .

21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as cars, dvd, computer, the shotgun formation, or cricket.

22. You have enough clothes.

23. You have too many shoes.

24. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

25. Thank you for reading this.

26. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight !!